Why Can’t I Find A Guy or Girl to Love Me?

“Love is like a virus; it can happen to anybody at any time” ~Maya Angelou

Good Morning!!!

Love. Love. Love.

It’s a tricky subject because we all have our different perceptions. Some think love is a fluttering of the heart when you see an attractive person. Others believe love is the actions you perform daily in the lives of people who matter most. Either way, you slice it, we all have this undying need to receive the blissful feelings of LOVE.

When I was single this is all I could think about…finding a man who could reciprocate that which I was under the impression I gave. Cooked meals, foot rubs after a long day of work, and sweet notes in the middle of the day. For this reason, it was only right that a match for me would be someone who is just as cheesy, right?

I have been in a relationship for 4 and a half years now and even though my boyfriend did those things in the beginning (his variation) things began to wane. This was when I started looking around and placing demands. WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME LIKE YOU USED TO? Are questions I would ask him all the time. I needed him to speak to me and act a certain way just so I could FEEL loved.

As you could imagine that type of pressure, to live with a person who is always watching in every moment is a bit much. It gives off the idea that a person is unhappy with you if your aren’t being “over the top” every day. It was also very INSECURE!

It dawned on me that I may have the wrong idea about LOVE. I mean the pressure placed on both myself and my man was very stressful and caused lots of arguments. It’s a wonder why he retreated into his work and was less inclined to do the sweet little things he did before. It felt…FAKE.

On a quest to uncover a missing piece I stumbled across “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven’t read this book, I suggest you do so!

Without giving too much away, I discovered that real LOVE comes from within. It is something that starts and ends with me, and if I wasn’t in love with myself, it makes it tough for a person to even like me.

And what does it truly mean to love? Is it flowers, candy, and lavish dates? One evening my boyfriend pulled out all the stops, and I still wasn’t happy (very jerkish of me). Apparently, love is NOT about what others do for you. My discovery is that true love is space, acceptance, and honesty with YOURSELF.

It’s looking in the mirror at stretch marks, love handles, wrinkles, cellulite, dark circles, bruises, scars and saying…DONT CHANGE.

It’s non-self-judgment.

It’s taking the time to reflect on beautiful and not so beautiful personal qualities.

It’s acknowledgment of “good” thoughts and not so good ideas; receiving both as an amazing paradox that is HUMANITY.

It is within.

Once you are filled to the brim with self-love, acceptance, acknowledgment, peace, and understanding… it will be imminent to others around you. People will be drawn to you and want to show you love.

So why can’t you find a guy or a girl to LOVE you?

Because you haven’t found love for yourself!

 

Let’s do something together!

In this very moment inhale and exhale the sweetness that is around you. Focus your thoughts inward while you do so. Keep breathing.

Say… I love you [YOUR NAME]. Keep repeating until you BELIEVE IT.

Feels good to be loved doesn’t it?

NAMASTE

How to Feel Free: Limitless Living

“Caged birds accept each other but flight is what they long for” ~Tennesse Williams

 

Are you feeling stuck? Do you often daydream about being free and not sure how to get there? Maybe I can help!

Good Morning!!!

Personally, I am not a fan of closed in places. Elevators, apartments with few windows, cubicles in the middle of the floor, narrow hallways… they all give the same feeling: TRAPPED.

It reminds me of my aunt’s doves.They were male and female that shared a single cage. Although they had a companion, they were flustered and frequently tried to break free. My aunt thought they needed more space, one that would allow a little flying room. Even with the change in surroundings, they were unhappy.She finally separated them in two different cages, and that is where they settled into a very mundane existence.

Finally, after about 20 years of ownership, she took them to the most beautiful park. The trees were plentiful, there were fountains, and other birds all floating around enjoying themselves. It was a birds element. Their natural environment.

When she opened the cage, they took one look, stretched their legs, and turned their backs. They were very uninterested. She tried pushing them out of the cage with a little nudge from her finger, still nothing. She ended up giving them away to a passerby in hopes that they would find some happiness, caged in someone else’s home.

How sad, right?

Well a lot of us live our lives just like the caged birds. We feel the urge to be free and blindly attempt to achieve it but eventually, give up and accept a sad life.

I don’t think this is how we were designed to live, though. No matter how old you are at any point, you can be free. Are you willing to take the steps necessary, that’s the real question?

I felt stuck last month. My mind was blocked, and no matter what I tried I just couldn’t seem to shake it. I didn’t understand it because my environment was not restricting in any way.

That’s when I started to look within. I realized that my “stuck” feeling was a moment from my past in which I was holding on for dear life. It was very negative, and I could do without it nonetheless, I clung to it as if it were apart of me.

And in fact, it was. It defined me. This event formed the boundaries in my mind and created an internal environment that trapped me no matter where I was in the outside world.

I had to face the music and deal with the memory. It was not a beautiful sight. I soaked up my pillows with tears of pain like I was a newborn baby. After the release of those emotions, I felt a little light but still…trapped.

I finally found an exit through meditation, prayer, and acceptance.

So how about you? I know you are ready to embrace the results but are you prepared to deal with what you have been ignoring?

See, it doesn’t matter if you end a relationship, quit a job, or escape to the furthest corners of the earth. You are trapped from within my friend.

Do yourself a favor and DEAL WITH IT.

Let’s try something together, shall we? Close your eyes and bring that memory to the forefront. See it play out, feel the pain, CRY. Now take a deep breath and exhale it. Repeatedly.

Eventually, you will have to forgive yourself and the person/people. That will take some time, but for now, take another deep breath and exhale this time say Om (hold on to the “m” until it starts to vibrate throughout your body)

When you have given that exercise about 20 minutes, walk over to the mirror and repeat this mantra to yourself: “I am moving forward, and I accept happiness today.”

So, what do you think? If you tried the suggestion comment and let me know if it helped or not.

I’ll see you on the other side of freedom my friend

 

Who Do You Love?

 

Who Do You Love?

Who Do You Love?

WHO DO YOU LOVE?

It is 3:00 in the morning and I am up! I can’t sleep and why you may ask… something is TRULY bothering me. The problem, until 40 minutes later, was that I didn’t know what it was.

Tears streamed my face as I began to analyze the ratio of accomplishments that could have been reached versus those that have not. It is mind-boggling to think of the opportunities I self sabotaged and then mentally berate myself when the deed was done.

After a long conversation with my boyfriend the truth came tumbling out of my very own mouth. I don’t care about myself. Sure I say that I do but actions weight far more than empty words spoken in an attempt to defend.

This is where the plot thickens. I don’t care about myself because I was never taught to do so by my surroundings. My lack of gumption to move forward in what I desire is a learned behavior taught to me subconsciously by my family and then my community.

The moment I told of the molestation and nothing was done to the perpetrator was the moment I was taught that my life was of little value. So at the age of 11 I gained a negative connotation that has slithered its way into my 30’s.

As depressing as that may sound let me explain why this is a great day for me. Now I know why and because I know I can embark upon my next phase of healing.

Now that I know why I can tell you that if you are suffering with completing goals, in a relationship with someone who is toxic but you can not leave, consistently put others above yourself and/or compare your self to others this may be your issue as well.

How much do you love yourself? How much do you care about that person that peers back at you in the mirror? Is he or she worth it?

YES! You. BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, FABULOUS, OUTSTANDING you are precious enough to be valued. Valued by whom? By yourself of course! You are worth it to go on and complete your goal, to be happy and in love with someone who loves you back, and to be put above the needs of others.

Say it with me… I am worthy, I am precious, and I am valuable despite what people may think, say, or how they may act towards me. 

Who do you love? Who do you care about? Who is most important?

YOU ARE!