Why Can’t I Find A Guy or Girl to Love Me?

“Love is like a virus; it can happen to anybody at any time” ~Maya Angelou

Good Morning!!!

Love. Love. Love.

It’s a tricky subject because we all have our different perceptions. Some think love is a fluttering of the heart when you see an attractive person. Others believe love is the actions you perform daily in the lives of people who matter most. Either way, you slice it, we all have this undying need to receive the blissful feelings of LOVE.

When I was single this is all I could think about…finding a man who could reciprocate that which I was under the impression I gave. Cooked meals, foot rubs after a long day of work, and sweet notes in the middle of the day. For this reason, it was only right that a match for me would be someone who is just as cheesy, right?

I have been in a relationship for 4 and a half years now and even though my boyfriend did those things in the beginning (his variation) things began to wane. This was when I started looking around and placing demands. WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME LIKE YOU USED TO? Are questions I would ask him all the time. I needed him to speak to me and act a certain way just so I could FEEL loved.

As you could imagine that type of pressure, to live with a person who is always watching in every moment is a bit much. It gives off the idea that a person is unhappy with you if your aren’t being “over the top” every day. It was also very INSECURE!

It dawned on me that I may have the wrong idea about LOVE. I mean the pressure placed on both myself and my man was very stressful and caused lots of arguments. It’s a wonder why he retreated into his work and was less inclined to do the sweet little things he did before. It felt…FAKE.

On a quest to uncover a missing piece I stumbled across “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven’t read this book, I suggest you do so!

Without giving too much away, I discovered that real LOVE comes from within. It is something that starts and ends with me, and if I wasn’t in love with myself, it makes it tough for a person to even like me.

And what does it truly mean to love? Is it flowers, candy, and lavish dates? One evening my boyfriend pulled out all the stops, and I still wasn’t happy (very jerkish of me). Apparently, love is NOT about what others do for you. My discovery is that true love is space, acceptance, and honesty with YOURSELF.

It’s looking in the mirror at stretch marks, love handles, wrinkles, cellulite, dark circles, bruises, scars and saying…DONT CHANGE.

It’s non-self-judgment.

It’s taking the time to reflect on beautiful and not so beautiful personal qualities.

It’s acknowledgment of “good” thoughts and not so good ideas; receiving both as an amazing paradox that is HUMANITY.

It is within.

Once you are filled to the brim with self-love, acceptance, acknowledgment, peace, and understanding… it will be imminent to others around you. People will be drawn to you and want to show you love.

So why can’t you find a guy or a girl to LOVE you?

Because you haven’t found love for yourself!

 

Let’s do something together!

In this very moment inhale and exhale the sweetness that is around you. Focus your thoughts inward while you do so. Keep breathing.

Say… I love you [YOUR NAME]. Keep repeating until you BELIEVE IT.

Feels good to be loved doesn’t it?

NAMASTE

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MY TRANSPARENT SOUL!

 

Lord have mercy on my transparent soul

For I am vexed with a perspective that does on fit the mold

Transmitted into a formality that does not fit the status quo

Lord have mercy on my transparent soul!

 

As delicate a fixture that has been labeled damaged

I pull together my tattered emotions and find strength to manage

Yet the dysfunctional contemplation’s seem to unravel the bandage

Lord have mercy on my transparent soul!

 

Cursed with a heart that can easily pierce

Perplexed with thoughts that veil my fear

Erroneously treading on territory that is near

Lord have mercy on my transparent soul!

 

The bird that sings with melodious glee

The sun that arises and interrupts the darkness within me

The tree I pass that seems to wave harmoniously

Penetrate my gloom and speak to my being as a whole

LORD HAVE MERCY ON HER TRANSPARENT SOUL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lazy… Lazy… Lazy!!!!

Hi Guys!!!

Sorry it has been so long but I must say I have been a preoccupied person lately. So now I am here sipping this lovely Eggnog Latte from Starbucks and must say… IT IS DIVINE!!!

To be brutally honest with you… I have been battling against a severe bout of laziness. Although I know I have many things to do and many goals to carry out… I find myself idle. Perhaps it is my ever-present desire to procrastinate when feeling pressured or possibly even my thought that nothing I do will ever be good enough. Or is there is another cause at play?

As a child my mother would call me lazy. Seriously I could accomplish 5 out of the 6 tasks she asked (well DEMANDED is more the word lol) of me and because the sixth either took longer or did not get completed I was a lazy person who would struggle through out life to get things done. So 18 years of being told the same thing at least a few times a week and PRESTO… we have a self fulfilled prophecy (or shall I say a transmitted fulfilled prophecy).

Am I truly lazy? Is anyone truly lazy? NO…. What you are facing is a plethora of other underlining issues such as:

lack of motivation

low self concept (disbelief that you are capable of accomplishing the task)

Plain dislike for the job at hand

Fear of failure or success

If you find yourself feeling lackadaisical about certain things try to either read a self-help or motivational quote, tell yourself you are well capable of carrying this task out and seeing it to completion, or be honest enough to admit that you are really not feeling this task and check if it is necessary to even pursue.

Remember you are not lazy… you just need an extra humph to get you going!

Now GET TO WORK YOU DILIGENT SOUL YOU!!!

Who Do You Love?

 

Who Do You Love?

Who Do You Love?

WHO DO YOU LOVE?

It is 3:00 in the morning and I am up! I can’t sleep and why you may ask… something is TRULY bothering me. The problem, until 40 minutes later, was that I didn’t know what it was.

Tears streamed my face as I began to analyze the ratio of accomplishments that could have been reached versus those that have not. It is mind-boggling to think of the opportunities I self sabotaged and then mentally berate myself when the deed was done.

After a long conversation with my boyfriend the truth came tumbling out of my very own mouth. I don’t care about myself. Sure I say that I do but actions weight far more than empty words spoken in an attempt to defend.

This is where the plot thickens. I don’t care about myself because I was never taught to do so by my surroundings. My lack of gumption to move forward in what I desire is a learned behavior taught to me subconsciously by my family and then my community.

The moment I told of the molestation and nothing was done to the perpetrator was the moment I was taught that my life was of little value. So at the age of 11 I gained a negative connotation that has slithered its way into my 30’s.

As depressing as that may sound let me explain why this is a great day for me. Now I know why and because I know I can embark upon my next phase of healing.

Now that I know why I can tell you that if you are suffering with completing goals, in a relationship with someone who is toxic but you can not leave, consistently put others above yourself and/or compare your self to others this may be your issue as well.

How much do you love yourself? How much do you care about that person that peers back at you in the mirror? Is he or she worth it?

YES! You. BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, FABULOUS, OUTSTANDING you are precious enough to be valued. Valued by whom? By yourself of course! You are worth it to go on and complete your goal, to be happy and in love with someone who loves you back, and to be put above the needs of others.

Say it with me… I am worthy, I am precious, and I am valuable despite what people may think, say, or how they may act towards me. 

Who do you love? Who do you care about? Who is most important?

YOU ARE!