Why Can’t I Find A Guy or Girl to Love Me?

“Love is like a virus; it can happen to anybody at any time” ~Maya Angelou

Good Morning!!!

Love. Love. Love.

It’s a tricky subject because we all have our different perceptions. Some think love is a fluttering of the heart when you see an attractive person. Others believe love is the actions you perform daily in the lives of people who matter most. Either way, you slice it, we all have this undying need to receive the blissful feelings of LOVE.

When I was single this is all I could think about…finding a man who could reciprocate that which I was under the impression I gave. Cooked meals, foot rubs after a long day of work, and sweet notes in the middle of the day. For this reason, it was only right that a match for me would be someone who is just as cheesy, right?

I have been in a relationship for 4 and a half years now and even though my boyfriend did those things in the beginning (his variation) things began to wane. This was when I started looking around and placing demands. WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME LIKE YOU USED TO? Are questions I would ask him all the time. I needed him to speak to me and act a certain way just so I could FEEL loved.

As you could imagine that type of pressure, to live with a person who is always watching in every moment is a bit much. It gives off the idea that a person is unhappy with you if your aren’t being “over the top” every day. It was also very INSECURE!

It dawned on me that I may have the wrong idea about LOVE. I mean the pressure placed on both myself and my man was very stressful and caused lots of arguments. It’s a wonder why he retreated into his work and was less inclined to do the sweet little things he did before. It felt…FAKE.

On a quest to uncover a missing piece I stumbled across “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven’t read this book, I suggest you do so!

Without giving too much away, I discovered that real LOVE comes from within. It is something that starts and ends with me, and if I wasn’t in love with myself, it makes it tough for a person to even like me.

And what does it truly mean to love? Is it flowers, candy, and lavish dates? One evening my boyfriend pulled out all the stops, and I still wasn’t happy (very jerkish of me). Apparently, love is NOT about what others do for you. My discovery is that true love is space, acceptance, and honesty with YOURSELF.

It’s looking in the mirror at stretch marks, love handles, wrinkles, cellulite, dark circles, bruises, scars and saying…DONT CHANGE.

It’s non-self-judgment.

It’s taking the time to reflect on beautiful and not so beautiful personal qualities.

It’s acknowledgment of “good” thoughts and not so good ideas; receiving both as an amazing paradox that is HUMANITY.

It is within.

Once you are filled to the brim with self-love, acceptance, acknowledgment, peace, and understanding… it will be imminent to others around you. People will be drawn to you and want to show you love.

So why can’t you find a guy or a girl to LOVE you?

Because you haven’t found love for yourself!

 

Let’s do something together!

In this very moment inhale and exhale the sweetness that is around you. Focus your thoughts inward while you do so. Keep breathing.

Say… I love you [YOUR NAME]. Keep repeating until you BELIEVE IT.

Feels good to be loved doesn’t it?

NAMASTE

Advertisements

How to Feel Free: Limitless Living

“Caged birds accept each other but flight is what they long for” ~Tennesse Williams

 

Are you feeling stuck? Do you often daydream about being free and not sure how to get there? Maybe I can help!

Good Morning!!!

Personally, I am not a fan of closed in places. Elevators, apartments with few windows, cubicles in the middle of the floor, narrow hallways… they all give the same feeling: TRAPPED.

It reminds me of my aunt’s doves.They were male and female that shared a single cage. Although they had a companion, they were flustered and frequently tried to break free. My aunt thought they needed more space, one that would allow a little flying room. Even with the change in surroundings, they were unhappy.She finally separated them in two different cages, and that is where they settled into a very mundane existence.

Finally, after about 20 years of ownership, she took them to the most beautiful park. The trees were plentiful, there were fountains, and other birds all floating around enjoying themselves. It was a birds element. Their natural environment.

When she opened the cage, they took one look, stretched their legs, and turned their backs. They were very uninterested. She tried pushing them out of the cage with a little nudge from her finger, still nothing. She ended up giving them away to a passerby in hopes that they would find some happiness, caged in someone else’s home.

How sad, right?

Well a lot of us live our lives just like the caged birds. We feel the urge to be free and blindly attempt to achieve it but eventually, give up and accept a sad life.

I don’t think this is how we were designed to live, though. No matter how old you are at any point, you can be free. Are you willing to take the steps necessary, that’s the real question?

I felt stuck last month. My mind was blocked, and no matter what I tried I just couldn’t seem to shake it. I didn’t understand it because my environment was not restricting in any way.

That’s when I started to look within. I realized that my “stuck” feeling was a moment from my past in which I was holding on for dear life. It was very negative, and I could do without it nonetheless, I clung to it as if it were apart of me.

And in fact, it was. It defined me. This event formed the boundaries in my mind and created an internal environment that trapped me no matter where I was in the outside world.

I had to face the music and deal with the memory. It was not a beautiful sight. I soaked up my pillows with tears of pain like I was a newborn baby. After the release of those emotions, I felt a little light but still…trapped.

I finally found an exit through meditation, prayer, and acceptance.

So how about you? I know you are ready to embrace the results but are you prepared to deal with what you have been ignoring?

See, it doesn’t matter if you end a relationship, quit a job, or escape to the furthest corners of the earth. You are trapped from within my friend.

Do yourself a favor and DEAL WITH IT.

Let’s try something together, shall we? Close your eyes and bring that memory to the forefront. See it play out, feel the pain, CRY. Now take a deep breath and exhale it. Repeatedly.

Eventually, you will have to forgive yourself and the person/people. That will take some time, but for now, take another deep breath and exhale this time say Om (hold on to the “m” until it starts to vibrate throughout your body)

When you have given that exercise about 20 minutes, walk over to the mirror and repeat this mantra to yourself: “I am moving forward, and I accept happiness today.”

So, what do you think? If you tried the suggestion comment and let me know if it helped or not.

I’ll see you on the other side of freedom my friend

 

Why Do I Need to Find Self Acceptance?

“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance” ~Deepak Chopra

Good morning to you!!!

Looking for self-acceptance and self-love today? Let me put a stain in your brain.

The world is filled with judgements. If you are a woman you should look like XYZ, if you are a man you should have ABC, if you are “blank” ethnicity you should act like 123. Christian? Be this. Muslim? Look like that. Gay? Act like him. Straight? Act like her. The list goes on and on. That’s just the outside world. What about the personal judgements? It’s even worse. I am this, I have always been this, and if I step outside of it, I am a hypocrite.

Wow! What a difficult way to live your life. Always wondering what others have to say about you. Then after awhile of believing what they say, it ends up internalizing. Now it isn’t even safe to retreat into your inner self because once you do all of the memories of your past are waiting to tell you how you don’t measure up.

It’s insane! Sheer madness!

How do I know? This has been my life for over 30 years.

I won’t get into my entire life story at this moment. I will just reveal it piece by piece as we travel this journey of self-acceptance together. The beginning of the year has already been quite eventful. The struggle of losing baby weight has now spilled over into two years of ups and downs. I felt very defeated. Then something happened.

I had a break from reality on my birthday. I was belligerent, ranting, raving, and screaming about my past. But…I thought I healed from this?

The next morning my boyfriend hit me with some hard to swallow information that caused me to escape the outside world and try to understand what was going on.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I began to reconnect with my spirit, and it guided me through a serious issue.

I discovered that I was crystallized as that child who walked around with her hands stretched out begging for anyone and everyone to accept and love me.

I was a rejected soul in need of reassurance that I am good enough for love.

Does this register with you? It should if you were ever a victim of trauma, childhood abandonment, or abuse. We think that a few prayers and finding a loving partner will remedy the situation. But it doesn’t. Instead, it places an extraordinary amount of strain on your relationship with self and everyone around you.

Here is the key, though. If you are rejecting, unkind, unloving, and strained from self then the people around you are just a mirror of that.

The first and most important relationship you have is with yourself.

When the people around you leave. When the lights are out at night, and you lay down to close your eyes. That sorrowful and weeping child is there screaming, “PLEASE LOVE ME!!!”

Can I present a challenge this morning? Look into the mirror. Gaze. See that little girl or boy, and ask her/him, how can I love you?

Before attending to anyone else, spend just a few minutes figuring out how to love that little one on the inside so desperate for acceptance. What does he or she need? What does he or she want?

Understand that no one will be able to give you what you need to suffice the deprived child inside. You are the only one.

Don’t know how to get there? Might I suggest a simple mantra every morning: I love you (your name) because… then find one thing that you love about yourself and plug it in.

I’ll go first. I love you Latasha because you are compassionate.

Ahh, that felt good.

Did this help? If so, comment below. If not comment below. If you dare to share comment your mantra.

NAMASTE

 

Why Jussie Smollett of Empire’s Sexuality Confirmation Should Be Applauded

Lost in the obsession over blonde hair and an unsurprising racist video emergence, Jussie Smollett has finally confirmed his sexuality.

Recently the Empire actor and Columbia recording artist stopped by Ellen to discuss his role on the sensational Fox television show. After answering a myriad of typical questions, Jussie made it very clear that “there was never a closet” for him. In other words the actor reinforced the gay rumors that have surrounded him from the moment the show spotlighted his incredible talent.

Is Jussie’s sexuality a cause for concern?

Here is my two cents:

What I am about to write may be offensive for some and liberating for others.

Aside from the fact that the young man’s talent is enough and his sexuality should NOT be something he has to confirm with anyone; I applaud his bravery and think it is encouraging for not only members of the LGBT community but everyone.

We all have something that we consider a personal truth that may not be popular or even shunned by society. We should uphold every person who is willing to go against the grain and just BE themselves in high esteem.

Also, I don’t know if I was the only one who cried like a baby after watching the “put the boy in the trash can” scene but it unlocked so many memories.

I have a cousin who is close to my heart. He loved to play dress up. He wrapped himself in sheets and pretended he was in a fabulous gown. He put on his mother’s heels and obsessed over Brandy’s version of Cinderella starring the late great Whitney Houston.

He was also teased from as early as 6 years old. He would run to me and cry on my shoulder and of course it was my duty to find the culprit and beat them up. I rode in the back seat of cars holding his hand as his father called him everything but his beloved son.  I dried his tears as we both vented about how every male father figure who entered his life, including his biological father, chose his younger and more masculine brother over him.

After viewing the season 1 finale of Empire, my cousin took a stand and came out to his mother.

I could not be more proud.

The once guilt ridden, scared, and fractured boy has finally emerged into a man who is true to himself.  There is no more hiding for him. No more telling his big cousin to fight the bullies. No more questioning what is WRONG with him. No more accepting less because he was taught that he was less than. NO MORE.

He is now a strong, loving, kind, courageous man who has come into his own.

And for that my hat is off to Jordan Banks.

My hero.

Keep fighting to BE true to yourself no matter who hates it or loves it.

A Letter To The Daughters Of The World

Dear Daughter,

How are you today? No, really… HOW ARE YOU?  I know  this world can be so cold and judgmental but its austere disposition is a bit harsher towards you than your male counterparts. You are expected to be  intellectual yet are treated dim witted. You are trained to know your place BUT  are required to create space for yourself in a male dominated and ego eccentric society.  Really my lovely…. HOW ARE YOU?

Depending on the part of the Earth in which you reside you are bombarded with conflicting images of who you should be. On one hand being beautiful and sexy is viewed as alluring even almost an unspoken requirement. The Media  suggests that you shake your “booty”, open your legs, and sex your way to the life you want. Yet on the other hand, when you give in to the temptation to neglect your mental capability and misuse the power of enticement your fore mothers NATURALLY passed on to you, the same mediums used to influence this “demotion” in stature are the same that ostracize you. My precious sweet heart.. please tell me,  HOW ARE YOU?

In history books you are depicted as the weaker vessel. Someone who is in need and helpless. Reclining in life and seeking not to change the world or claim territory BUT only to exist beside him. Because, my dear, according to them that is all you are… property. Story after story, fable after fable, and tale after tale display you as the whimsical princess whom is restricted in power and limited in your ability. BUT MY SWEET PRECIOUS PEARL there is much more to you than that.

You can rule an entire nation with dignity as Queen Elizabeth or you can rule your province with knowledge and military skill as Queen Amina. Your feminine wile’s can influence many men as Queen Cleopatra or you can wage in battles and become a great military leader as Lady Fu Hao. You could be a great thinker as Simone de Beauvoir or become  a billionaire with mass influence like Oprah Winfrey. All I am saying is that your soft features, curvy body, and dimpled cheeks are not all that you have going for you. You are a WOMAN… something to take great pride in.

Now, my beautiful daughter, who has the world at her feet,  HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

Sincerely,

Mother

Go on!

 

 

I hear the cries from the graves of slaves

Calling out to my destiny, guiding me through the maze

 

The drumbeat of my heritage calls out to my spirit

Though faint and dismal my heart can hear it

 

You are my strength and what I dreamed of

When they lashed my body and compelled my blood

 

When they harassed and stalked us-even made us a mockery

We closed our eyes and visualized you so we continued through the debauchery

 

A glimmer of our imagination thwarted us into the future

To see you free from physical oppression and void of users

 

We struggled through to create you!

 

Do not be fooled by the labels

Unearthed by the fables

That we were feeble beings

 

Do not be choked by the subconscious noose

Removed by the klans bearing false truths

You are the descendant of the very brave

NOT anemic slaves!

 

You can do more than fight one another

Succeed at gathering foolish clutter

Living life dependent on a mindset festering from the gutter

You were our hope!

 

The beauty that arose from a past of ashes

The phoenix that survived the thrashes

The colorful rainbow that inspired us in masses

 

You are what happens to a people that refuse to be trampled!

Resisted the urge to be mantled

Contorted the notion that we could be strangled

Combated the relentless scrutiny that left us scrambled

 

YOU ARE OUR HOPE AND DREAM!

 

Go on O offspring and make our survival count

Go on descendants and break barriers

Go on our dear ones become presidents, rulers, entrepreneurs, inventors, philanthropists, billionaire’s and people of great influence!

GO ON!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lazy… Lazy… Lazy!!!!

Hi Guys!!!

Sorry it has been so long but I must say I have been a preoccupied person lately. So now I am here sipping this lovely Eggnog Latte from Starbucks and must say… IT IS DIVINE!!!

To be brutally honest with you… I have been battling against a severe bout of laziness. Although I know I have many things to do and many goals to carry out… I find myself idle. Perhaps it is my ever-present desire to procrastinate when feeling pressured or possibly even my thought that nothing I do will ever be good enough. Or is there is another cause at play?

As a child my mother would call me lazy. Seriously I could accomplish 5 out of the 6 tasks she asked (well DEMANDED is more the word lol) of me and because the sixth either took longer or did not get completed I was a lazy person who would struggle through out life to get things done. So 18 years of being told the same thing at least a few times a week and PRESTO… we have a self fulfilled prophecy (or shall I say a transmitted fulfilled prophecy).

Am I truly lazy? Is anyone truly lazy? NO…. What you are facing is a plethora of other underlining issues such as:

lack of motivation

low self concept (disbelief that you are capable of accomplishing the task)

Plain dislike for the job at hand

Fear of failure or success

If you find yourself feeling lackadaisical about certain things try to either read a self-help or motivational quote, tell yourself you are well capable of carrying this task out and seeing it to completion, or be honest enough to admit that you are really not feeling this task and check if it is necessary to even pursue.

Remember you are not lazy… you just need an extra humph to get you going!

Now GET TO WORK YOU DILIGENT SOUL YOU!!!