Why Can’t I Find A Guy or Girl to Love Me?

“Love is like a virus; it can happen to anybody at any time” ~Maya Angelou

Good Morning!!!

Love. Love. Love.

It’s a tricky subject because we all have our different perceptions. Some think love is a fluttering of the heart when you see an attractive person. Others believe love is the actions you perform daily in the lives of people who matter most. Either way, you slice it, we all have this undying need to receive the blissful feelings of LOVE.

When I was single this is all I could think about…finding a man who could reciprocate that which I was under the impression I gave. Cooked meals, foot rubs after a long day of work, and sweet notes in the middle of the day. For this reason, it was only right that a match for me would be someone who is just as cheesy, right?

I have been in a relationship for 4 and a half years now and even though my boyfriend did those things in the beginning (his variation) things began to wane. This was when I started looking around and placing demands. WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME LIKE YOU USED TO? Are questions I would ask him all the time. I needed him to speak to me and act a certain way just so I could FEEL loved.

As you could imagine that type of pressure, to live with a person who is always watching in every moment is a bit much. It gives off the idea that a person is unhappy with you if your aren’t being “over the top” every day. It was also very INSECURE!

It dawned on me that I may have the wrong idea about LOVE. I mean the pressure placed on both myself and my man was very stressful and caused lots of arguments. It’s a wonder why he retreated into his work and was less inclined to do the sweet little things he did before. It felt…FAKE.

On a quest to uncover a missing piece I stumbled across “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven’t read this book, I suggest you do so!

Without giving too much away, I discovered that real LOVE comes from within. It is something that starts and ends with me, and if I wasn’t in love with myself, it makes it tough for a person to even like me.

And what does it truly mean to love? Is it flowers, candy, and lavish dates? One evening my boyfriend pulled out all the stops, and I still wasn’t happy (very jerkish of me). Apparently, love is NOT about what others do for you. My discovery is that true love is space, acceptance, and honesty with YOURSELF.

It’s looking in the mirror at stretch marks, love handles, wrinkles, cellulite, dark circles, bruises, scars and saying…DONT CHANGE.

It’s non-self-judgment.

It’s taking the time to reflect on beautiful and not so beautiful personal qualities.

It’s acknowledgment of “good” thoughts and not so good ideas; receiving both as an amazing paradox that is HUMANITY.

It is within.

Once you are filled to the brim with self-love, acceptance, acknowledgment, peace, and understanding… it will be imminent to others around you. People will be drawn to you and want to show you love.

So why can’t you find a guy or a girl to LOVE you?

Because you haven’t found love for yourself!


Let’s do something together!

In this very moment inhale and exhale the sweetness that is around you. Focus your thoughts inward while you do so. Keep breathing.

Say… I love you [YOUR NAME]. Keep repeating until you BELIEVE IT.

Feels good to be loved doesn’t it?



How to Feel Free: Limitless Living

“Caged birds accept each other but flight is what they long for” ~Tennesse Williams


Are you feeling stuck? Do you often daydream about being free and not sure how to get there? Maybe I can help!

Good Morning!!!

Personally, I am not a fan of closed in places. Elevators, apartments with few windows, cubicles in the middle of the floor, narrow hallways… they all give the same feeling: TRAPPED.

It reminds me of my aunt’s doves.They were male and female that shared a single cage. Although they had a companion, they were flustered and frequently tried to break free. My aunt thought they needed more space, one that would allow a little flying room. Even with the change in surroundings, they were unhappy.She finally separated them in two different cages, and that is where they settled into a very mundane existence.

Finally, after about 20 years of ownership, she took them to the most beautiful park. The trees were plentiful, there were fountains, and other birds all floating around enjoying themselves. It was a birds element. Their natural environment.

When she opened the cage, they took one look, stretched their legs, and turned their backs. They were very uninterested. She tried pushing them out of the cage with a little nudge from her finger, still nothing. She ended up giving them away to a passerby in hopes that they would find some happiness, caged in someone else’s home.

How sad, right?

Well a lot of us live our lives just like the caged birds. We feel the urge to be free and blindly attempt to achieve it but eventually, give up and accept a sad life.

I don’t think this is how we were designed to live, though. No matter how old you are at any point, you can be free. Are you willing to take the steps necessary, that’s the real question?

I felt stuck last month. My mind was blocked, and no matter what I tried I just couldn’t seem to shake it. I didn’t understand it because my environment was not restricting in any way.

That’s when I started to look within. I realized that my “stuck” feeling was a moment from my past in which I was holding on for dear life. It was very negative, and I could do without it nonetheless, I clung to it as if it were apart of me.

And in fact, it was. It defined me. This event formed the boundaries in my mind and created an internal environment that trapped me no matter where I was in the outside world.

I had to face the music and deal with the memory. It was not a beautiful sight. I soaked up my pillows with tears of pain like I was a newborn baby. After the release of those emotions, I felt a little light but still…trapped.

I finally found an exit through meditation, prayer, and acceptance.

So how about you? I know you are ready to embrace the results but are you prepared to deal with what you have been ignoring?

See, it doesn’t matter if you end a relationship, quit a job, or escape to the furthest corners of the earth. You are trapped from within my friend.

Do yourself a favor and DEAL WITH IT.

Let’s try something together, shall we? Close your eyes and bring that memory to the forefront. See it play out, feel the pain, CRY. Now take a deep breath and exhale it. Repeatedly.

Eventually, you will have to forgive yourself and the person/people. That will take some time, but for now, take another deep breath and exhale this time say Om (hold on to the “m” until it starts to vibrate throughout your body)

When you have given that exercise about 20 minutes, walk over to the mirror and repeat this mantra to yourself: “I am moving forward, and I accept happiness today.”

So, what do you think? If you tried the suggestion comment and let me know if it helped or not.

I’ll see you on the other side of freedom my friend


Why Do I Need to Find Self Acceptance?

“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance” ~Deepak Chopra

Good morning to you!!!

Looking for self-acceptance and self-love today? Let me put a stain in your brain.

The world is filled with judgements. If you are a woman you should look like XYZ, if you are a man you should have ABC, if you are “blank” ethnicity you should act like 123. Christian? Be this. Muslim? Look like that. Gay? Act like him. Straight? Act like her. The list goes on and on. That’s just the outside world. What about the personal judgements? It’s even worse. I am this, I have always been this, and if I step outside of it, I am a hypocrite.

Wow! What a difficult way to live your life. Always wondering what others have to say about you. Then after awhile of believing what they say, it ends up internalizing. Now it isn’t even safe to retreat into your inner self because once you do all of the memories of your past are waiting to tell you how you don’t measure up.

It’s insane! Sheer madness!

How do I know? This has been my life for over 30 years.

I won’t get into my entire life story at this moment. I will just reveal it piece by piece as we travel this journey of self-acceptance together. The beginning of the year has already been quite eventful. The struggle of losing baby weight has now spilled over into two years of ups and downs. I felt very defeated. Then something happened.

I had a break from reality on my birthday. I was belligerent, ranting, raving, and screaming about my past. But…I thought I healed from this?

The next morning my boyfriend hit me with some hard to swallow information that caused me to escape the outside world and try to understand what was going on.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I began to reconnect with my spirit, and it guided me through a serious issue.

I discovered that I was crystallized as that child who walked around with her hands stretched out begging for anyone and everyone to accept and love me.

I was a rejected soul in need of reassurance that I am good enough for love.

Does this register with you? It should if you were ever a victim of trauma, childhood abandonment, or abuse. We think that a few prayers and finding a loving partner will remedy the situation. But it doesn’t. Instead, it places an extraordinary amount of strain on your relationship with self and everyone around you.

Here is the key, though. If you are rejecting, unkind, unloving, and strained from self then the people around you are just a mirror of that.

The first and most important relationship you have is with yourself.

When the people around you leave. When the lights are out at night, and you lay down to close your eyes. That sorrowful and weeping child is there screaming, “PLEASE LOVE ME!!!”

Can I present a challenge this morning? Look into the mirror. Gaze. See that little girl or boy, and ask her/him, how can I love you?

Before attending to anyone else, spend just a few minutes figuring out how to love that little one on the inside so desperate for acceptance. What does he or she need? What does he or she want?

Understand that no one will be able to give you what you need to suffice the deprived child inside. You are the only one.

Don’t know how to get there? Might I suggest a simple mantra every morning: I love you (your name) because… then find one thing that you love about yourself and plug it in.

I’ll go first. I love you Latasha because you are compassionate.

Ahh, that felt good.

Did this help? If so, comment below. If not comment below. If you dare to share comment your mantra.



Ladies Room Confessions: What Are You Worth?

Sex is a natural part of life. It is also necessary on so many levels: procreation, pleasure, connectivity, and a multitude of health benefits including stress relief. There is no greater moment than when two souls connect on a higher spiritual plane with the expressed purpose of meeting a temporary euphoria. Sex is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, sex is not used in its proper form when ideals of manipulation, exploitation, carelessness, and pure wreckage dominate the mental capacity of the parties involved. As beings privy to inducting their own harmony it is imperative that when engaging in a sexual experience we must check our heart motivations. Why Am I doing this?

When I was as young as 10 my mother made it very clear that a young lady of worth guarded her body which is her temple. This type of child rearing resulted in someone who very early in life associated their value based upon the ability to watch over my vessel of power. If I chose to give my body in passion, I made sure it was to someone who could not only appreciate but recognize the queen that lay before them. Royal, precious, and rare.

The idea that we convey to our young ladies today is something quite different. Sex is just sex and you should give yourself away to anyone who will accept it. Meanwhile once the “moment” is over it would have paled in comparison to its potential if she would have been more selective in a partner. However, in this male dominated society, the media hides this truth behind airwaves filled with songs about the “glory” of being a side chick, “don’t tease him”, and how men really want a “THOT” over a “Dick tease”.

How could this be? That we are not teaching our daughters that our sexuality is the most sought after thing on the planet and there is power in our innermost parts. That we are grooming our baby girls into women whose aspirations in life are to be “Instagram famous” or the next big reality star.

I thought long and hard about the type of woman I would like to raise my daughter to be. Among the list of attributes I would like her to know that her worth is too great to simply “let” the average person partake. The person who will be lucky enough to share such a vulnerable moment with her should be someone who can respect the fact that she is a commodity. I would advise her to protect her vessel much like my mother did me.

And now I ask you, what are you worth? Are you just someone’s piece of “ass” (excuse my French this topic is dear to my heart). Are you not worthy of a relationship that does not include late night visits, sneaky phone calls, and 5 minute encounters that put you at his/her disposal. Are you trash or treasure? What are you, my dear?

Once you figure out who you are then you can read through the mind games of those who are out to use your body then throw you away. Let them know that although sex is natural and beneficial to human development (unless you are sexually deviant) it is also detrimental if given to the wrong partner.

So I ask again, what are you worth?

Kylie Jenner’s Braids and the Culture Appropriation Debate

Recently Kylie Jenner, sister of Kim Kardashian, was involved in a twitter feud. Apparently Kylie posted a picture of herself with a new hairstyle that enraged Hunger Games actress, Amandla Stenberg.  Why? The picture depicted the youngest Kardashian/Jenner with cornrows which was, as Stenberg interpreted, “culture appropriation”.

Kylie responded , “Mad if I don’t, mad if I do….Go hang with Jaden or something.” Stengberg retorted with information concerning cultural appropriation that sparked a nationwide debate. While some people could not understand why a teenager seemingly expressing herself through style is considered racist, others applaud the Hunger Games actress for her efforts to enlighten.

The question is, was Kylie Jenner’s braids cultural appropriation? Is it just an innocent gesture of culture influencing the other? What is cultural appropriation anyway?

Here’s my two cents:

Although I completely agree with the young actress, I must admit that Kylie Jenner is barely the person to confront on this issue. Yes, I completely understand that she and her sisters have committed themselves to achieving the “ethnic” look. What we must understand that she is much like others concerning this cultural appropriation, blind.

It seems as if everyone, except people of color, are in the dark concerning this recent hot button issue. Now if you are a member of another race and can get it you are the enlightened one, my friend.

Nevertheless, Its hard for anyone to truly understand the cries of the oppressed when their culture is taken by the oppressor and made to be the “in” thing without identifying with the oppressed.

Take Hip Hop for instance. It was born and bred in the heart of people searching for a way to outlet the violence, poverty, and shame they saw daily. Once the mainstream discovered Hip Hop’s power of influence, it then evolved ( the exception of a few) into something completely different. Hip hop has become so watered down that when outrage occurs in the urban community very few reflect the voice of the people in their music. Many of Hip hop’s moguls instead chose to turn a deaf ear and continue to rhyme about the popular and more acceptable to mainstream topics.

I digress.

There have been many instances in which women who are not of African heritage are placed on a pedestal for achieving a look that black women typically have. Angelina Jolie is praised for her voluptuous lips, Kim Kardashian and the rest of her clan are considered the best booty’s in the US/. Side note: You all do realize they paid top dollar to inject their hips and rear ends with as much plastic as possible to receive a look that comes naturally to most black women.  In an effort to shed her Disney image, Miley Cyrus “twerked” across a stage and popularized the dance (one that derived from Africa).

The list goes on and on. It seems to me that the exotic features and demeaner of black women is only acknowledged and dare I say it, worshiped, when accompanied with cultures not their own.

So when my young sister Amandla Stenberg considers an Instagram pic enough and decides to speak on an issue dear to her heart I understand completely.

There is nothing wrong with admiring a culture. There are a lot of cultures I admire; however, there is another thing when it is a trend to steal from the culture and market it mainstream without referencing that said culture. Not only that but also to “love” the culture so much BUT have absolutely nothing to say about the issues that occur to the people of that culture is just plain insensitive and oblivious.

In essence, cultural appropriation, whether you understand it or not, is a result of institutionalized racism. It originated during slavery when black women were scolded for having “nappy” hair that made them look like ragdolls when placed in cornrows yet in 1979 Bo Derek wore them and suddenly it became beautiful and exquisite.

In order to heal as a country we must stop telling the oppressed, when they cry out, that they shouldn’t be crying and instead listen. I am very sure that Kylie Jenner did not wear the wig/braids (yes I had to throw a little shade) with racism in mind, however, she represents a mindset that must be first shown its flaw then uprooted.

For this to work WE ALL need to take off our blinders and truly see what has happened in this country.

Only then will a brighter more cohesive future be seen.

Bill Cosby: Why His Confessions Have Proven What We All Feared

Well the proof is in the pudding, Jell-O pudding pops that is. Bill Cosby’s 2005 deposition has been released, revealing one startling fact: Americans would rather believe a wealthy man than 47 scorn women.

Judge Robreno disclosed on Monday, July 6th that Bill Cosby admitted to both drugging and raping women in the 70’s. Obviously nothing could be done to “America’s favorite father” because of the statute of limitations law; however the judge claimed his reasons behind unsealing the documents was a result of Cosby’s continuous need to position himself as a “public moralist”.  That fact paired with the stark contrast between criticisms of the black community and his personal immoralities was astounding. The judge decided that the public needed to know the truth.

Once this information hit the media Cosby supporters were appalled and quickly turned their backs. Among the supporters, R&B and Soul singer, Jill Scott took to twitter to as a means for expressing her disgust, “I stood by a man I respected and loved, I was wrong. It hurts!!!”  The remaining networks that continued to air The Cosby Show have canceled its syndication. Even Disney has backed out of their support by removing his bust following the wake of his sworn testimony.

Not everyone has changed their minds about The Cos though. Whoopi Goldberg and Raven Symone, co-hosts of The View, have continued in their claims that not enough evidence has been presented.

Does the 2005 testimony cement the allegations against the actor/comedian? Does Bill Cosby’s moral finger waging while hypocritically engaging in immoral acts mean his legacy is null and void? Should Whoopi Goldberg and Raven Symone be marked the village idiots for their loyalty to Bill Cosby?

Here’s my two cents:

When the allegations first hit the media earlier this year, I quickly became offended. I would rant about the unfair demonization of prominent black figures and refused to deem him guilty by public opinion alone.

When I got wind of Monday’s news I, like Jill Scott had to swallow the hard pill that the creator of positive black imagery on television is really a serial rapist. Ouch. The truth hurts!

Facts are facts and if you continue in a faulty opinion, even when faced with hardcore evidence, you are foolish.

So am I implying that Goldberg and Symone are foolish?  In short, yes!  if they choose to stay in darkness then so be it, it’s their opinion and are free to express.

I am more so dumbfounded by Hollywood’s sudden desire to dismantle a person’s artistic endeavors based upon moral standards.

Woody Allen was allegedly having sex with his underage stepdaughter and once she came of age divorced his wife and married her. He was not found guilty in a court of law of molestation, yet logically, you would assume that his desire for his stepdaughter didn’t start the day she turned 18. Be that as it may, Allen’s star on the walk of fame has not been removed and as a matter of fact was recently honored.

But wait, there’s more!

Roman Polanski allegedly raped and sodomized a 13 year old only to receive an Oscar for “The Pianist”. Sean Connery is a celebrated actor who has openly admitted that in order to win an argument with a woman it is absolutely right to open hand slap her. John Lennon, a beloved artist whose music has influenced generations, has been documented and said himself that he had a problem with physically abusing women. R. Kelly urinated on young girls and before his bodily liquids could dry we were stepping in the name of love and confessing that He saved me.

It seems to me that morality trumps violent abuse against women only for SOME prominent figures.

Am I in any way an advocate for celebrating societies sick and twisted yet gifted individuals? No. I do believe we should make it fair across the board. Withdraw Oscar’s, remove stars, dismantle statues, discontinue music play, cease movies from the big screens, take shows off syndication of EVERY individual who engages in abuse against women whether it has been proven in a court of law or not.

Does this ideal sound far-fetched? Maybe.

If we are “pretending” to be such a moral and upstanding society that abhors perversions, injustice, and violence then let’s dig deep into our fabric and finally admit that systematic racism is STILL a problem in this country.  Lets work to finally give the Native Americans credit for discovering the USA and strip Christopher Columbus of his title as the “founder” of North America.

Is that a stretch? A tad.

The point is, we are all hypocrites. Admit it and remedy it.

Ugh. How am I supposed to watch my favorite episode of “The Cosby Show” without cringing at the sight of Cliff Huxstable!