It must have been maybe 11 years ago when I was sitting at a table with friends surrounding me as we discussed what we thought things would be like in the future. All of us high school senior’s with a month away from graduation,wide-eyed and filled with excitement. We went around the table and when it was my turn I painted a glorious picture of a utopia where I am an award-winning journalist whom is on the brink of putting a magazine publication on the map. (Can you say Queen Latifah from “Living Single”) After a long day of sitting in my office editing work I come home to a family of three and a Shemar Moore look-alike husband (oh yes I swore I would marry him one day). We all burst into laughter and shook our heads as if we knew our future was going to play out the exact way we pictured it. Well after 11 years of living, multiple failed attempts at completing school and a ring finger that is bare, I regretfully report that things don’t always go according to plan.
January 27, 2012 I turned 29 and it was as if someone had slapped me across the face. I woke up with a stinging sensation filtering through my mind as I pondered WHERE HAVE THE YEARS GONE??? I had not reached a single goal other than publishing a few poems and an unsuccessfully marketed book. I was gripped with fear as I began to wonder if my life would be okay. Shortly after I sunk into deep depression and faded to the background pushing everything away evading to my inner self to seek solutions. Truth is, I am a dreamer. It’s in my nature to escape to an unknown world and float on the clouds of life imaging things not seen in reality. However, dreamers soon become wounded when the clouds melt away and they are left with a sour truth that maybe just maybe- things don’t turn out the way you think it should.
Life has a way of doing that to an idealist. Once a person of great faith, I was reduced to negative thoughts which followed negative speech. It was hard to see the dream anymore. The impossible that was oh so possible to me had withered into an unattainable goal. I often vision me reaching for it like a child does a balloon that slips through their tiny grip and off into the sky leaving behind a teary broken heart. In the middle of my melodramatics I received a message!
You can call it conscientiousness if you would like, I know exactly where the message came from and I want to share it with you.
WAKE UP out of your depression and know that your negative thought process has created this damp and dreary world you live in. That’s right, your thoughts are what is causing the turmoil wreaking havoc in your life. CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS!!!
Even greater than that, change your thoughts, change your speech, then change your plan of action. So what you have had a few upsets. Yeah those things happened BUT you are alive and well so dust yourself off and get back out there. If you have to wake up every morning and tell yourself that you are a winner and one of these days… YOU WILL BRING HOME THE PRIZE then do so. Don’t stop believing in you. I, myself, wont stop believing that God can do the impossible and He can do so through me… but I have to believe that I can do it.
So how about it? I changed my mind today, can you join me? Say it with me: I am not a victim, I can get up and take control and I WILL WIN!!!